assalamualaikum, sofia anak ibu :')
your arrival made me a mother, and apparently it's not just a title. it's an honor. to get to see a small human grow from phase to phase, from just laying around, to smiling, to blinking, to sitting, to babbling, to crawling, to standing and to whatever phase you will do next.
i will tell myself that i would want to write a letter to you for your every birthday but i didn't make it past 5 months writing love letters for my relationship with bapak so this letter might be the only one i ever write and that's because your first birthday is a special occasion and i would give you the world if i could.
as you grow up, you will find that the world is so fascinating and there's just going to be way too many toys that you'd want to play, too many friends that you'd want to make and too many places that you'd want to go. and i know that you'd want to experience all this so i wouldn't hold you back so long that you don't ask for RM200 toy or a business class plane ticket to Antartica. but i want you to know that i'd be longing for you to be close to me and thus i will play your toys with you, i will introduce myself to your friends and after all your adventures, my arms would be the place that you'd wanna rest at.
but what i'm requesting next bigger than that. as you grow older, you might feel like you'd be telling your friends more about the crush you're having. you might shy away from telling me if Robert Downey Jr. is the epitome of a handsome man. you might be scared to tell me that you lost my tupperware and you will have these conversations with other people than me. thus, i will be coming to you and tell you about my how bapak and i ended up together, then you'll tell me you have a crush on the kid sitting behind you in class. i'd show you all bapak's hairstyles that makes him look handsome and you'll show me all the posters of hollywood guys that you like. and i won't be buying expensive tupperwares so you can always lose the cheap ones and i will never be mad at you.
i want you to have conversations with me and build our own imaginary world where everything is flowers and butterflies. i want to be the first to know if your heart is broken because only i have the glue to stick your heart back together. i want to be the first person you tell when you figured out your interests because only i have the determination to support you along any paths. i want to be the person you ask to accompany you to watch horror movies with even though i'm getting goosebumps in shock watching the jumpscares. i want to be the person you ask to accompany you to go see siti nurhaliza singing live because you'd know how i admire siti nurhaliza. i want to be the one you want to hug after a long, sad, gloomy day and after a long, happy and joyful day.
please know that no matter how big you get, it's me who will always long to feel close to you.
it's always going to be ibu loving you <3
semoga panjang umur, anak ibu.
this is you reading my entry when you learned how to use the internet later haha i love u
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